i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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