Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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