whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
