Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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