i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
