smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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