I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
