I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
