when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
