He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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