I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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