apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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