So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
3 2 1 whiskey
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
