I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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