Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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