weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And then my night got REAL pukey
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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