We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.