So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!