i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me