Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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