So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
