DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
