i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
