You work out of a Hotel?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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