Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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