well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
farters have to be the big spoon...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
