Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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