people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
