I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
