Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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