i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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