I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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