those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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