I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
