that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
