The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
