Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
