cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
