i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
