double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
