you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
