did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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