It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
