We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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