I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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