haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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