so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
