i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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