no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Damn victory sex feels great
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
