I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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