if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
