She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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