oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
