Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
