I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
