I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize