When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
