thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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