Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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