I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
