my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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