i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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